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Wednesday 11 December 2019
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Mum Hilariously Explains How to Prepare for Having Children and She Is Spot On

Mum Hilariously Explains How to Prepare for Having Children and She Is Spot On

Have you ever tried to put into words just how crazy this parenting gig is? We feel a full gamut of emotions from pure joy to hair-pullingly frustrated within the time-frame of a Peppa Pig episode on the regular.

Melbourne mum Laura Mazza has managed to sum up life as a parent of young children in one hilarious post and she could not be more accurate!

How to prepare for children:

Buy bananas, buy five f***ing bunches. Eat them all. Whatever. Just make them disappear in a day.
Then buy more bananas the next day. The same amount if not more…and watch them go mouldy. Slowly. Say out loud “why doesn’t anyone want the bananas now?”

Cry.

Play baby shark on repeat for 68 hours.
Every time you pick up a phone, ask someone to ask you “can you play baby shark?”

Watch obscure things on YouTube like freaky cartoons with catchy songs in between baby shark. Always go back to baby shark.

Bring a bull into a supermarket with you. Let it go and apologise to people as it runs past them, bucking. “He gets angry when not fed and hates movement”

Buy 4 pairs of huge underwear that come up to your neck, poke holes in them, wear them interchangeably

Ask your whole street for their washing, and begin doing their laundry. Ask them to wear and dirty it as soon as it’s folded.

Bite all the apples in your fruit bowl and put them back.

Clean the house, disinfect it, then smear yoghurt on the floor

Ask someone to cough in your eyeball.

Poo with the door open. FaceTime your friends and get them to ask you about your day while you strain.

Cover yourself in sour milk.

Try to unwrap a lollipop in 3 seconds flat. Set a loud timer that screams at you if you fail.

Buckle up an octopus in a car seat.

Get three monkeys and drive around with them. Give them popcorn and honey.

Make a snack every 7 minutes.

Go to bed

Get up again

Go back

Get up… go back, get up, go back, get up. Smash your toe into something really hard.

Pee yourself.

And now you’re 10% ready.

 

Can you relate to her words as much as we can?

 



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Jill is a busy wife and mother of four young children. She loves nothing more than making people giggle, and loves to settle in with a glass of wine (or four) and wander about the internet. Feel free to follow her to see all the cool stuff she finds!


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