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Bun in the oven – Week 20

Bun in the oven – Week 20

Today I am 20 weeks pregnant.

I wrote that sentence ten minutes ago and then I sat there and stared at it in utter disbelief. Why? Because I was infertile, struggling to get pregnant and stay pregnant and to be honest I had started to think that maybe it was never going to happen. After 12 long, emotional and heartbreaking months of fertility treatment, miscarriages and surgery we fell pregnant late last year and here we are, 20 weeks in. Half way there.

As some of you who have read my blog and articles for Go Ask Mum might know, I wrote about my journey through infertility, fertility treatment and the ins-and-outs of it all in a very real, raw and open way. It was often embarrassing, made me look like I was bat shit crazy (remember the time I chased my partner around with my injection trying to stab him…still brings a smile to my face) but that’s what I do.

So jump on board, because for the next 20 weeks (hopefully) I am going to update you weekly on just what this pregnancy is like for me…no BS, no lies and I swear to God if one more person mentions ‘The Glow’ I will scream. That is sweat, it makes me sheen and I am hot and bothered and for the love of God stop rubbing my belly.

 

Me at 16 weeks

Why didn’t I start to write back when we found out? Or even at 12 weeks once we reached the safe zone? I tried, over and over but the words wouldn’t come out. Until now. Today we had our 20 week scan, all is going along swimmingly (seriously, baby looked like it was swimming) and I suddenly feel this great big weight has been lifted off my chest that I wasn’t even aware was there.

So I’ll catch you up on the pregnancy so far;

Nausea, vomiting,  tiredness, MASSIVE boobs, gas, crying, panic that my body was changing at a rapid rate, gas, buying maternity bras at 9 weeks pregnant,  bottle after bottle of Bio-Oil to prevent stretch marks, finding stretch marks, more crying, overeating,  gas, watching scales increase rapidly, even BIGGER boobs realising that “eating for two” doesn’t count when the 2nd person weighs 4 grams, and now here we are, finally settled into pregnancy, loving my ever expanding belly (bum, and thighs not so much).

So now you are caught up.

 

How I spent most of the first 12 weeks…..ahhh the tiredness

This week I have been trying to find a swimsuit. We are going to Vanuatu in a few days and I do not have anything to wear in the pool or to the beach. My bum is slightly bigger than it was last time I wore a bikini but it still fits in what I have so as long as the fellow beach goers don’t mind my jiggling junk in the trunk then we should be ok. However, my boobs. Or should I say my second bum because my chest looks like an arse. I have gone up a cup size to an E, this happened around 9 weeks so I am used to the size, however my boobs are not just on my chest but also under my arms these days so finding a bikini top/anything has proved to be difficult. I have also been blessed with some delightful stretch marks on the bottoms of my boobs so am conscious that whilst I don’t really mind too much I don’t want to have them on display.

I have been to about 10 stores, tried on 100 different styles and nothing fits/supports/covers so I am going away on my baby moon wearing a sports bra as a bikini top.  I came to this conclusion in the changing room last week when I started to laugh with my friend as I stood there boobs and belly out in a bikini bottom and everything starting jiggling. And then it didn’t stop…it kept jiggling even when I finished laughing.

20 weeks and baby is kicking me in this photo 🙂

So to sum up my week 20 of pregnancy; things jiggle even when you’ve finished laughing.

 

This is me, so you can put an embarrassing pregnancy tale to the face it’s coming from!

 

*For any woman reading this and thinking “Oh shut up, I would kill to be pregnant and jiggle you selfish cow”…know that this is all in jest, that I thank my lucky stars multiple times a day that I am pregnant with a healthy baby and I will always have the mindset and heart of someone who is infertile but working their ovaries off to get where I am today. Much love and baby dust, Em xx



Emily Lockley

Emily Lockley is 32, which she thinks is a great age by the way, still young enough to want to have fun and just old enough to not really care about the dramas of your twenties.and not where she thought she would be. In saying that for the most part, she loves where she's at. Great partner, loving family, amazing friends, living in Melbourne..blah blah right?! There is always something else we want, for her that's a baby, but it's just not happening the way she thought it would. Emily is an infertility blogger who writes of her journey through fertility treatment and the longing to become a Mum in a very real, raw and honest way.


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